Personal Essays
March 14, 2010
Lessons from the playground
(Web Exclusive) One day I was outside at preschool, and three boys and I decided to race around the blue and red jungle gym to see who was the fastest. I desperately wanted to beat the boys, but knew I would lose. In an attempt to change my nearly guaranteed loss, I hatched a plan. If I couldn’t actually beat the boys, I could at least outsmart them.
March 07, 2010
Burying innocence
(Web Exclusive) I did not know how scared I was supposed to be. We arrived when he took a turn for the worse. Nurses raced through sterile white hallways. Phones buzzed from the Intensive Care Unit’s reception desk. Physicians emerged from dimly lit rooms. I was 9 years old, a worried grandson, about to meet mortality.
February 28, 2010
Ripple effect
(Web Exclusive) My mother, wearing grandma’s blue and white ruffled bathrobe with silver snap buttons, her damp hair twisted up in a towel, bounced into the room with her usual spunk. “Hell-ooo,” she said, picking up the cordless phone. I could tell by her voice she was talking to my father. A brief silence was soon interrupted by a sound she rarely made. Looking up from the floor, I recognized a look of horror on my mother’s face as she began to cry. She and Mackie exchanged quiet whispers. But I heard quite plainly: “Floyd is dead. He killed himself.”
February 21, 2010
My Mother the Best Friend
(Web Exclusive) My mother is my best friend; it’s a close yet complicated relationship. Sometimes I’ll call wanting to talk to my mother the best friend, but my mother the mother will answer the phone instead. I get frustrated, we fight, and I let her win because she is, after all, my mother. I’ve never screamed at my mom that I hate her. That would be a lie anyway.
February 14, 2010
Sisterly Love
(Web Exclusive) My sister, Morgan, always had boyfriends. Tall, long-legged, tan, her natural dark brown hair hidden under years of highlights. She is beautiful, smart, the perfect package. She has always had long-term relationships with guys eager to dote on her while I had the short, blurred relationships that never lasted. I wanted my relationships to be like Morgan’s, and so she taught me about love.
February 07, 2010
Not everyone can be a hero
(Web Exclusive) I’m a good big sister, despite what people may think. I’m always offering unsolicited sage wisdom on growing older to my little sister Tracy. Usually, at these times, she groans and rolls her eyes, but the point is that I try. I also lend her my ear if she needs to vent about a jerky guy, or I’ll give her a ride if she needs one. I’ll even occasionally buy her lunch when we’re out.
January 31, 2010
Baby steps
(Web Exclusive) Someone handed me a child the other day. Not permanently — just to hold. Alarmed at first of the droppable life, I clutched tightly in the exchange. Then, in a progression of fidgets, I jutted out my pointy hipbone and found the tot fit quite nicely into my natural body curve. Hm, I thought. That’s new.
January 24, 2010
Killing My Own Bugs
(Web Exclusive) I was 23, a year out of college, and every day revealed a new aspect of the real world that I was dramatically unprepared for. The breezy era of college — good grades and good times — crashed to a halt when I couldn’t assemble DIY Target furniture for my new apartment. My liberal arts education didn’t mean much in the post-college era.
January 17, 2010
The not-so-simple sauce
(Web Exclusive) She was exactly 98 years old to the day, five foot two inches tall (five foot three with her metallic hot-pink heels) and 122 pounds. My watery eyes glaze over the thin, off-white paper that is chocked full of irrelevant information except for the most awful 16 letters staring back at me. Death Certificate. I secretly hope — no, pray — that this isn’t real.
January 06, 2010
Get Your Own Ranch Dressing
(Web Exclusive) The smile might as well be part of the uniform. Just as I tug on the logo tee, pull on my jeans and tie on my apron, I arrange my face into a permanently pleased expression. Then I march into work as though I’m simply thrilled to fill condiments and fetch iced teas with a splash of lemonade. This is what people expect of their waitress. This and much more.
May 07, 2009
Mourning Jack
(Web Exclusive) The stages of mourning apply to pets just as easily as they do to human family and friends. My black Labrador retriever, Jack, was 13 years old when he was put to sleep. Some owners say they would rather make the decision on their own instead of waking up to find out their pet has died during the night. In reality, knowing the day is coming doesn’t make letting go any easier.
Of pug and Pam
(Web Exclusive) When the wriggling, panting, practically smiling pug puppy arrived at my house in early December 1997, I was the happiest 9-year-old in the entire world. My aunt Pam brought him all the way from Jonesboro, Ark., to fulfill my dream of having a puppy. I had no idea that soon she would be little more than a dream to me, and he would be my only attachment to her. Less than a year after that Christmas, Pam died from ovarian cancer.
The parakeet Cold War
(Web Exclusive) At age 9, I had never wanted anything so much as I wanted a parakeet. Well, except for a cat. And those pink cowboy boots. And there was that one time with those miniature toy horses — but really, this parakeet was a cat, a pair of pink cowboy boots and several miniature horses all rolled into one.
The pet from hell
(Web Exclusive) Growing up on a farm, I was surrounded with animals. Horses, chickens, cats, dogs — we had them all. But what I really wished for was a pet to call my own. I dreamed of having a cute, cuddly animal that was all mine to care for and play with. Unfortunately for me, this fantasy of a loving animal companion was shattered by the reality of Max.
Love knows no lease
(Web Exclusive) My roommates tell me they pulled poor Cosette out from under a lawn mower. Her mother had become known as quite the “S-L-U-T” around the neighborhood. This led to where these things lead, and Cosette was born in early September 2007.
Scratches, Tiger and Toby
(Web Exclusive) To some, pets are family. To others, pets are merely roommates. My family and I consider our cats to be family. So when one got sick, we didn’t think twice about his medical care. Such committed pet owners are a rare breed.
Small deaths kill me
(Web Exclusive) Two weeks into my first semester at college, I received a phone call from my sister. Her voice was tentative and sympathetic as she uttered words she knew would ruin my day. “Megan,” she said. “G.P. died today.”
Confessions of a Paranoid Cat Owner
(Web Exclusive) House cats are known to be affectionate. Who couldn’t picture a fluffy white feline marshmallow hopping up on their laps as they enjoy an after-dinner cup of tea? When it comes down to it, the little fuzz balls are just warm, caring and cuddly. That is except for TC.
Doggy OCD
(Web Exclusive) Obsessive Compulsive Disorder is categorized as having unwanted thoughts or obsessions that result in repetitive, unwanted behavior. My family is convinced our scruffy brown dog Max is the poster child for doggy OCD. Max is a dog that specializes in human worries and quirks that would more likely fit a person with a prescription for Prozac.
Rabbit tricks
(Web Exclusive) During my childhood, there was a not-so-funny television show named America’s Funniest People, in which Full House star Dave Coulier voiced a character called the Jackalope. A rabbit with antlers fastened to its head, the Jackalope was notorious for playing mean tricks on people, such as attacking workers from fictional Big Brute Construction Co. with a jackhammer when they attempted to cut down a tree that housed a nest of bird eggs. The furry vigilante would then wrap the segment up with his favorite catchphrase, “Fast as fast can be, you’ll never catch me.” The Jackalope was the most amusing thing I had seen at age 6, but it instantly made me want a mischievous rabbit with antlers attached to its head. Thus began my love of all things rabbit related. When I asked my parents for one, I was told that my father was deathly allergic to animals with fur and would end up in the emergency room, or worse, if I ever brought a rabbit home.
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