PRINTTurn on the trash
The cruelest reality of all is that these shows actually exist
June 12, 2008 | 12:00 a.m. CST
Because of the Hollywood writers strike eating up most of the unscripted shows networks had in reserve, the summer television season brings a new slew of reality TV shows. Not surprisingly, they’re at it again: exploiting audiences’ appetites for disgustingly repetitive and predictable television. Here’s what’s on the table.
Farmer Wants a Wife (CW)
Suburban farming in Missouri ain’t exactly roughing it in the boondocks
Matt Neustadt, 29, of St. Charles County is a farmer. He spends his days working the fields, growing soybeans, corn and wheat — but that’s where the average rural farmer stereotype ends. He’s college-educated, he flashes a bright white smile, and his fields lie just outside St. Louis’ city limits. He’s also the star of the CW’s newest reality dating show, which gives him the chance to pick the best from a crop of 10 beautiful big-city women.
It’s not hard to see why the women, who for the most part are younger than 24, are so eager to ferry hay bales around by tractor — Neustadt is intelligent, charming and rugged. He’s a far cry from the stereotype you might expect the show to play up. In fact, the show makes the “sophisticated” city women look plainer and dumber than the country-folk who host the women in their various challenges and field trips around town.
Although Neustadt does his best to keep from appearing hickish, the ladies find there are still lessons to be learned about living in the country. For one, tractor grease isn’t the best color complement to a cutesy pink top.
The show isn’t without its fair share of the catfighting and stunts that come with reality TV shows; washing the farmer’s pickup quickly turns to a sexy soap, mud and water fight.
Ultimately, Farmer Wants a Wife isn’t exactly a breath of fresh country air, but rather, it’s a lot like linedancing: It has the potential to be a lot of fun, yet it falls into the habit of becoming repetitive and predictable.
Now showing Wednesdays, 8 p.m.
Wipeout (ABC)
“When ordinary people face extraordinary obstacles – including a set of big red balls.”
Filmed on what ABC claims is the largest obstacle course in the world, Wipeout will show plenty of painful impacts on course features such as “Dirty Balls” or the “Dreadmill.” The show is basically a replica of Spike TV’s MXC, a Japanese obstacle course show dubbed with English commentary filled with innuendo, making it one of the guiltiest pleasures on television. Unfortunately, not even MU alum and SportsCenter anchor John Anderson could enliven Wipeout’s knock-off brand of snide remarks.
June 24, 7 p.m.
I Survived a Japanese Game Show (ABC)
“Holy sushi!”
Ten Americans will fight the culture shock of an unexpected trip to Japan in hopes of snagging a $250,000 prize that goes to the contestant who best performs on an outrageous Japanese game show. Games such as “Why Is This Food So Hard To Eat?” (because it’s attached to the head of a teammate running on a treadmill) and “Chicken Butt Scramble” are sure bets for big laughs this summer.
June 24, 8 p.m.
Celebrity Circus (NBC)
“Bringing the incredible world of the big top into America’s living rooms.”
B-List celebrities converge under the big top this summer and compete for America’s votes in spectacular circus and acrobatic acts. The show features a diverse cast, including Jackass’ Wee Man, supermodel Rachel Hunter and the seemingly obligatory Brady Bunch alum — Christopher Knight, who played Peter. The show seeks to thrill with an off-the-wall concept you never expected to see on TV, and it just might be outrageous enough to hit the summer ratings jackpot.
June 11, 8:30 p.m.
Hurl! (G4)
“Designed to make you laugh until you puke.”
Claiming to draw inspiration from viral videos spewing from the browser histories of male 20-somethings, Hurl! pits five contestants’ stomachs against each other in an eating and athletic skills competition. The object is to eat more apple pie than the next guy, jump on a mechanical bull and be the last one to yak it all up. Watching this vomit-fest ought to be as nauseatingly satisfying as your grandmother’s week-old egg salad.
July 15, 8 p.m.
I Love Money (VH1)
“Obviously, it’s going to be a greedy summer.”
Ballers meet bawlers in I Love Money, the latest addition to the network’s “Celebreality” lineup of shows. Boasting a who’s who cast of former contestants from Rock of Love, I Love New York and Flavor of Love, it’d be blissfully naive not to expect plenty of shameless sex, furious fights and catty colloquialisms as the 17 reality all-stars seek their true love: the $250,000 prize.
July 6, 9 p.m.
