The Tiger Ride
Andy Paschen’s passion for top-ranked Missouri football has lured him into a sedan with four buddies and a laptop. Can San Antonio handle the crew and the thousands of crazed Tiger fans and football players? Check for updates as Vox ventures to the Big 12 Championship game.
There and Back Again: A Tiger's Tail
December 3, 2007 at 9:45 p.m.
The Final Tally:
Miles Traveled: 1,933
Hours in the LeSabre: 31 hours and change
“That’s what she said” count: 147 (There were an abundance of them on the ride back)
Columbia welcomed us home last night/this morning. San Antonio we hardly knew ye. This is final installment of The Tiger Ride, the conclusion of the term paper that began with a ride toward destiny and ended with a harsh dose of reality.
It only took until the last post, but we finally have pictures to share with you. It’s time to say good-bye to the seven of you that are reading this, as we hand out The Tiger Ride’s weekend awards.
The Iron Chef Golden Ladle: Café Ole
Located on the river walk, Café Ole gave us free chips and salsa, our food was out in less than 15 minutes and they had excellent beers (aka Shiner Bock) in tap. What more could you ask for.
Runner up: McDonalds breakfast
“Did you know gullible isn’t in the dictionary?” Award: Oklahoma fan Meghan
Freshly graduated Meghan from Oklahoma was tailgating next to us when she spotted my “MIZZOU DAD” T-shirt and asked me I actually had children.
I told that indeed I did, twins in fact, and this was the conversation that followed:
OU: “When were they born?”
Me: “November 13th”
OU: “Congratulations! What are their names?”
Me: “Rucker and Donna.”
OU: “Rucker? With an ‘O’? How did you get that name?”
Me: “No, with a ‘U’, well my girlfriend/fiancée (“Oh My God Congratulations!”) and I are from Mizzou and Martin Rucker is our favorite player. We always liked the name so we decided to name our son Rucker. Donna was the name of my girlfriend’s grandmother.”
OU: “Do twins run in your family?”
Me: “Not on my side, but I believe her (pause to look like I am trying to remember) great aunts were twins.”
OU: “That is so neat!”
Me: “Well, thank you. Hey could we use your football to play catch?”
OU: “Sure, no problem!”
I don’t look like I have graduated high school, much less be the father of two children. Clearly the admission standards at Oklahoma aren’t very discerning, although I must admit I do like the name Rucker.
Runner up: Random OU mother
Me: “Bob Stoops eats babies!”
OU mom: “What a HORRIBLE thing to say!”
MVB (Most Valuable Beer): Lone Star Light
Runner up: Bud Light (Lone Star State Edition)
Eat that humble pie St. Louis, and wash it down with a Lone Star Bud Light.
LVS (Least Valuable State): Kansas
You are the black hole of the United States.
Runner up: Oklahoma (South Kansas)
You are the little brother of the black hole of the United States.
The Road Trip All-Star Playlist:
You Know My Name : Chris Cornell (007: Casino Royale theme)
International Players Anthem : UGK feat. Outkast
What Would You Do : City High
The Oh of Pleasure : Ray Lynch
Snow (Hey Oh) : Red Hot Chili Peppers
Boondock Saints theme song
God’s Bathroom Floor : Atmosphere
Brown Paper Bag : DJ Khaled
Deliverence : Bubba Sparxxx
Send me on my way : Rusted Root
Mr. Brightside (Jacques Lu Cont's Thin White Duke Mix) : The Killers
The Mark Mangino Smelliest Traveler Award: A four-way tie shared by all of us at various times during the trip for various, unsettling reasons.
Runner up: The Man in the third stall at the Subway/Conoco station in Texas.
Seriously man, get that checked out.
To sum it all up:
The trip was a college experience that I will never forget, one that ranks near (if not at) the top of the list. Although the game itself was a complete and total meltdown, it reminded me of one thing If I may be poetic for a moment, it reminded me that often our dreams aren’t realized, they often die before ever taking shape. But in those few hours when the dream could come true, when there still is a possibility that the dream will turn into reality, the feeling is pure magic.
I will not soon forget the energy that ran through my body when I would convince myself that I would be watching this Missouri Football team play for it all, nor could I contain my excitement thinking about watching the Tigers punish the Sooners live and in person.
And even though neither of those things happened, the fact that they could of is good enough for me. For now.
To everyone that helped make The Tiger Ride possible: Drew, Oz, Danny and Joe (briefly), Rob Weir, Laura Dotson and Lauren Burke – Thank You. To all of the readers, I hope you got good a glimpse of the life of a Tiger: you laughed with us, cried with us and all the other stuff that people do.
This is the Tiger Ride.
And remember, M-I-Z…
“What’s the international sign for ‘choke’?”
December 3, 2007 at 10:32 a.m.
Miles Traveled: 1,187
Hours in the LeSabre: We have officially lost count, but it’s been a lot
“That’s what she said.” Count: 79
There are only two reasons why I have enough mental strength to make this post. First, time has healed some of the wounds between now and the-game-that-shall-not-be-named. Second, we just watched Love Actually, which simultaneously lifted my spirits and got me amped for Christmas. What a quality film, I am swooning like a tween at a John Mayer concert.
As for the-game-that-shall-not-be-named, there are a few notes:
The crowd was at least 60-40 South Kansas (the new name for Oklahoma) yet the Mizzou crowd at its height was louder than South Kansas.
The redzone offense for Mizzou was absolutely disgraceful. Whoever was making the play calls for the Tigers needs to take a long look in the mirror and reevaluate their football career. The entire game Mizzou would steadily throw the ball down the field, get inside the five-yard line then try to run it in from a shotgun offense, resulting in predictable failure.
Now, usually this scheme works fairly well. But if South Kansas is consistently stuffing the running game (Tony Temple: 13 carries, 26 yards) they why in God’s name would you try to continue to run the ball with him? At the very least why not put Martin Rucker in shotgun and have him beast his way through the line?
Also, if you have the ball inside the 1-yard line and its second down, there is no excuse for one of the most prolific offenses in the NCAA not to score six.
Why didn’t the offense take one shot down the field? Was there a pass attempted that was longer than 15-20 yards? All of these play calling questions made me nostalgic for our underachieving teams the last two years.
Not having Chase Coffman in the redzone hurt the Tigers more than I thought. The first drive Chase Daniel overthrew Rucker in the endzone, and I openly wonder if Coffman would have been able to climb the ladder and make the catch. Starting the game out 7-0 instead of 3-0 could have made a huge difference for the confidence of the team.
All in all, the offensive effort was pathetic and the defense was clearly overmatched and was easily exploited on stretch running plays to the outside. To their credit, it’s hard to create turnovers when they can run for first downs consistently and your offense isn’t giving you any help.
If this offends anyone because they think I am being too critical know this: if Missouri ever wants to be considered an elite program in the Big 12, then they need to beat the elite teams and should be held to a higher standard.
But, as a life long Cub fan I offer one piece of advice:
Wait till next year.
[Note: There will be one more post tomorrow to wrap up the entire event, complete with the pcitures that I wasn't able to upload during the trip. See you then.]
Oklahoma 38, Missouri 17
December 2, 2007 at 7:17 a.m.
"I am so sad." count: 3,817
I feel abused. Christmas is cancelled. The sun may not come up this morning. The writers strike will last 40 years. Gods existence? Highly questionable.
If there were ever a time not to crap the bed and play the worst offensive football of the season, the Big 12 Championship with a national title trip on the line is probably that time.
The sad truth:
Chase, you aren't a heisman man.
Mizzou, you aren't ready to play with the big boys.
Oklahoma, I hate you so much.
There will be a few more wrap-up posts on the drive home, if I can keep my tears off of the keyboard.
Someone keep a close eye on senior Mike Benning, because no one will be taking this loss harder.
Guest Blog: Why the BCS Sucks, Picks and Lone Star
December 1, 2007 at 2:15 p.m.
Ladies and gentlemen, loyal readers and Andy’s mom… this is your favorite Tiger Ride caravan member, Danny Mehigan, chipping in with a sports-related post. You may know me as your favorite Columbia Missourian women’s basketball beat writer… but probably not.
But without further adieu, this is the biggest game in Mizzou football history. Sure, we were No. 1 for a week in 1960, but we got crushed by Kansas and those national championship hopes were destroyed – no surprise that the Jayhawkers needed to use an ineligible player to beat us, but it still knocked us out of the No. 1 spot. And in those days, there was no computer-driven system like the BCS that forced the bowl matchups upon us.
As a Mizzou fan this year, and especially this week, the BCS rankings mean more than any test the Tiger Ride isn’t studying for. Here’s the problem: We’re ranked No. 1 (Wooo!). But IF we lose to the No. 9-ranked Sooners tonight, we will likely drop below idle Kansas, who only dropped to No. 5 after we dominated them last week.
The BCS rules stipulate that only two teams from a conference can make it to the five BCS games. Oklahoma would be guaranteed a berth because they won the conference championship game, and Kansas would get the second berth because they will be ranked higher in the BCS standings than us… even though we beat them.
As a native Wisconsin Badger, I felt this pain last year when Ohio State was ranked 2nd, Michigan was ranked 4th and Wisconsin was 6th… but the Badgers weren’t allowed to go to the BCS because they were the third-best team in the conference, according to these crazy standings.
Oh, but that’s not all. If we lose tonight, Ohio State will jump into the No. 2 spot and play for the national title game, which opens up the Big Ten’s BCS spot for Illinois – another team we beat.
So this entire magical season could be for naught. Sure, in years past, Missouri fans would be ecstatic about a trip to the Cotton Bowl (where the loser of tonight’s game will likely end up), but this year is different. We are a team of destiny, and we will not lose to Oklahoma again.
Before I get to some “expert” picks for today’s games, I’m not done complaining about the BCS.
One of the biggest disputes in college football this year has been whether or not Hawaii deserves to be in the BCS. For the uninformed, Hawaii is undefeated (the only team left in Division I without a loss), has an offense good enough to compete with ours, but they get no national respect because they haven’t played a very strong schedule.
They are currently ranked 12th – right on the borderline of BCS contention. They beat Boise State last week to clinch their conference championship, and only need to beat Washington tonight to likely clinch that BCS berth. When that happens, a lot of people will be very upset that Hawaii beat the likes of Charleston Southern and Idaho to reach the BCS – but they tried to schedule USC and Michigan State, only to have the big schools back out because they were scared of losing.
Well, I for one hope that Hawaii crashes the BCS party and shows the country what they’re all about. Their offense is so much fun to watch, and they’re pretty damn good. If anyone watched the Boise State-Oklahoma Fiesta Bowl last year, they’ll remember how it might be the greatest college football game ever played.
The reason college sports are better than pros – the impossible happens more often than not, and I wouldn’t want to miss out on Hawaii pulling off a miracle of their own this year.
On to some picks:
Hawaii over Washington: Might as well keep talking about the Warriors. Watch out for Colt Brennan to add to his NCAA record of 126 touchdown passes (not in one game, that would be a much more ridiculous record), and Hawaii should walk all over the Huskies down in Honolulu.
USC over UCLA: As a Notre Dame fan, I hate USC. But they are playing really well, and definitely will not lose with a trip to the Rose Bowl on the line. Don’t be surprised if UCLA’s coach gets canned after losing this game, too.
LSU over Tennessee: If Georgia made it to the SEC title game, they’d have a fighting chance against LSU, but they didn’t. So LSU, despite blowing a chance at the national title game last week, will come back strong and dominate the Vols in a virtual home game in New Orleans tonight.
West Virginia over Pittsburgh: A ridiculously easy pick. It works out nicely for West Virginia that the rival Panthers are terrible, so they should waltz into the national championship game with an easy victory.
And the big one from down here in Texas…
MIZZOU 38, Oklahoma 35. Yeah, I went there. Jeremy Maclin, Martin Rucker, Chase Daniel and all our other ridiculous offensive stars won’t be stopped by the Sooners for a second time this year. We’ll eliminate the turnovers from last time, cause problems with an improving defense, and win the game by holding on in the fourth quarter. I just think our team is too dynamic, and OU isn’t ready for it. Here’s to hoping I know what I’m talking about.
Well, it’s about five hours until game time, and it’s time to crack open some Lone Star – the
self-proclaimed “National Beer of Texas” – and start going crazy for those Tigers!
[This is your host again. We're done blogging until after the game, when we will have pictures (hopefully) of the rest of the day. And Remember M-I-Z...]
Remember the River Walk
December 1, 2007 at 2:12 p.m.
“That’s what she said.” Count: 54
After “Gameday” The Tiger Ride took a stroll down to the river walk, which San Antonio is pretty famous for. Also, someone told me that San Antone was the 7th largest city in the US, can someone verify this for us?
Let me just say, as it is my maiden voyage to Texas much less San Antonio, the river walk is absolutely gorgeous. The peaceful river gently flows in between rows and rows of indoor/outdoor restaurants while Christmas lights dangle from the trees that create a natural awning for the walkway. We ate at Café Ole, located on the river walk off Commerce St., which was delicious except for the fact that we were surrounded by scores of Oklahoma fans. I felt like the Spartans in 300, when “few stood against many”.
After a chicken enchilada, chicken taco and chicken chalupa, know as the scrumpcious combination numero dos, we headed to the liquor store to prepare for Missouri glory.
We have to choose a combination of Texan beer, Lone Star and Shiner Hefeweizen. We were also surprised to find that on the Bud Light cans here it says “The Lone Star state”. Oz was outraged, but the rest of us found it utterly hilarious. Eat that humble pie St. Louis.
Our next entry will be written by the one, the only, Daniel Mehigan. As a sports writer for the Columbia Missourian he is much more qualified than I am to break down college football, which he will be doing in a mega-stuffed-super-happy-fun-time post.
I Have a Face for Radio, but it Made it on TV
December 1, 2007 at 12:51 p.m.
Miles Traveled: 940
Hours in the LeSabre: 15 and 41 minutes
“That’s what she said.” Count: 54
Technical note: Someone, (me), forgot to bring a plug to upload photos on the blog, but our friend/beat writer for the Columbia Missourian is going to bring it, so eventually we will get some pictures up.
Hello San Antonio, it’s nice to meet you. I hear you are the home to the Alamo, the death place of Davey Crockett ‘king of the wild frontier’ and the soon-to-be the death place of the Oklahoma Sooners.
We pulled into the Super 8 Motel on Hot Wells Ave. at exactly midnight, too tired to scour for a Wal-Mart and make a sign for “College Gameday”. We planned to get up at around 7 am to make sure to get there early enough to be in the front row, but it turned out God had a bigger plan for us.
“Gameday” was held in front of the Alamo and when we reached the old stone road at 8:30 am the section behind the “Gameday” set was already filled to capacity. We staked our spot in the front row of the second section, there was a path right in front of us for the cameramen to get shots of the crowd.
If you happened to be watching “Gameday” and you saw a mop haired Caucasian fellow wearing a white ‘MIZZOU DAD’ T-Shirt, yeah, that was me. All of our mugs were on “Gamday” so much (at least 4-5 times) that I was surprised no one asked us for an autograph.
The key to getting on camera: ride the coattails of someone else. Standing next to me was a kid with a sweet Chase Daniel Heisman sign (It was of the gold statue with his face on it) and after Lee, Chris and Herbie were done talking about Chase Daniel they shot right to the poster. Enter me! Swiftly, like an urban ninja, I snaked my face in between the two responsible for the sign and my second television appearance of my life occurred.
[Side note: the first time I as on TV was when my sister put our pet tarantula on my shoulder when I wasn’t paying attention. She filmed the heinous crime and sent it in to America’s funniest home video. I was screeching like a little girl, and Bob Saget made fun of me. Gotta love siblings.]
Some of the best signs we saw:
‘TEBOW IS HOME WATCHING CHASE’
‘THANK YOU TEXAS FOR MR. HEISMAN: CHASE DANIEL’
‘SAM BRADFORD DOESN’T BELIEVE IN SANTA’
The best part about “Gameday”: the crowd was at least 80-20 in favor of Missouri, and we booed as many Sooner fans as we could. Jesse Hall would have been proud of the respectful cheering of our fans although one Sooner lady took offense to, “Bob Stoops eats babies!” Apparently baby eating is a very serious offense in Norman.
Beer Me
November 30, 2007 at 7:08 p.m.
Miles Traveled: 665
Hours in the LeSabre: 11
“That’s what she said.” Count: 29
We’ve made it to Texas but we still have quite a drive ahead of us. Drew and Oz are in the back seat watching The Office on Drew’s computer and all we can hear from the front are random chuckles and gawfs, especially from the hyena that is Drew Brooks. I could really use a beer. (And in the business, my friends, we call that a segway)
Being a freshly turned 21-year old with no prior experience with drinking alcohol (enter halo, angels singing) it has been an educational past few months when it comes to training the palette. And nothing seems more important that choosing the proper game day beer.
Here The Tiger Ride’s choices:
Oz: Bud Light
“It’s my [St. Louis] blood, my dad would kick my ass if I drank anything else.”
Andy: Cold and Free
“Everything is delicious when I don’t pay for it. Except Milwaukee’s Best. I’d rather have a Tab then.”
Danny: Miller Lite
“Because nobody else in Missouri wants to drink it so I never have to worry about it getting stolen. You can put down a case of Miller Lite at a tailgate and people will run away from it. If it were a case of Natty it would be jacked in thirty seconds.”
Drew: Keystone Ice
“Aka ‘the black death’; its gets you [expletive deleted] up the fastest. What else do you want from me?”
Dark vs. light, thickness, import vs. domestic; for college students price is the only deciding factor. $11.99 for a 30-pack tastes much better than $8.99 for a sixer of a bottled beer.
My brain is starting to get fried, so there may not be anymore posts until we reach San Antonio. When we finally get there we will begin with our analysis of the big game and our take on college football. At least thats the plan, but who can say for sure? There are plenty of gas pumps to rip out of the ground from here to there.
Sign Language
November 30, 2007 at 5:54 p.m.
Miles Traveled: 594
Hours in the LeSabre: 10ish
“That’s what she said.” Count: 22
The tradition at ESPN's "College Gameday" is to bring a hilariously clever sign. We want to bring the heat, so please comment with any clever ideas.
Here are our fledgling ideas for signs to display for ESPN’s “College Gameday”:
‘POOPS ON STOOPS’
‘REESING SUCKS’
‘REGGIE BUSH IS A POOR MAN’S J-MAC’
‘BOMAR SOLD ME A SCHOONER’
‘MORE LIKE BADFORD’
‘R.I.P. SEAN TAYLOR’
‘NOT SO FAST MY FRIEND’
‘RIDE THE TIGER’
We’ll weigh in with the verdict later.
Shout out to the Wisco boys and J-London, happy birthday.
I'll Have a J-Mac With a Side of Fries
November 30, 2007 at 5:22 p.m.
Miles Traveled: 558
Hours in the LeSabre: 9 and 30 minutes
“That’s what she said.” Count: 20
“What’s What She Said?”
Like a dummy, I just assumed everyone might know the “That’s what she said.” reference, but that’s probably not the case. I don’t know where it came from, but we use it in reference to The Office when Steve Carrell’s character Michael Scott says it at very inappropriate times. Since we reference it so much we decided to keep count of how many times we use it on the trip.
We’ve been consistently cruising through the fly-over states in moderate silence until we started debating about our favorite fast food places. That slowly mutated into another conversation: If Mizzou football players were fast food restaurants, who would they be?
Chase Daniel: McDonalds
Golden arches, golden arms. Daniel is the face of the Tigers and McDonalds is the face of fast food. Daniel has served millions of perfect passes into the arms of Tiger wide receivers. Someone should make a documentary about how bad Daniel is for the health of opposing defensive backs: ‘Undersize? Me?’
Jeremy Maclin: Culvers
An up-and-comer of the fast food world, Culvers versatile menu reflects the do-it-all Maclin. After a slow start (torn ACL freshman year) J-Mac has burst onto the scene to take the nation by surprise just like Culvers’ butterburgers.
Martin Rucker: Wendys
Often overlooked by more popular players, he is always a great, consistent option that will leave you satisfied. It is a travesty that Ruck didn’t even make 1st team All-Big 12, but sweet, sweet redemption that he was named 1st team All-American.
Will Franklin: Jack-in-the-Box
Found in St. Louis (at least from my experience driving through the Midwest, I hear there on the West Coast too) just like Franklin, Jack-in-the-Box is always good for one to two huge meals when all other options have been too exhausted.
Pig Brown: Taco Bell
Taco Bell clearly has to be represented by a defensive player, something other than the usual burger joints scattered throughout the country. One is delicious to eat, the other delicious to watch, but a word the wise: both are heavy hitting and can stop the unsuspecting in their tracks. Overdependence of either can cause immobilization and bodily injury.
Quote of the Day Nominee: When ‘Man on the Moon’ by R.E.M. was played in the Arbys in Guthrie, Oklahoma, Drew says, “Did you know Jim Carrey made a movie to this song?”
Kansas: America's Biggest Mistake
November 30, 2007 at 2:56 p.m.
Miles Traveled: 397
Hours in the LeSabre: 6
“That’s what she said.” Count: 15
I always knew, the moment I enrolled at MU, that I was supposed to hate Kansas. Even though my cousin went to Kansas and I had never given either school a second thought for most of my life, I understood that the first rule to being a Tiger was hating the Jayhawks. Death, taxes, Jayhawks suck, etcetera etcetera.
Sure, I hated that Kansas football got undue credit for being undefeated after beating the likes of Florida International, SE Louisiana and Toledo. But not until this drive have I truly despised Kansas to the most of my ability. Here’s why:
Tollways: How does Kansas have the stones to charge use $5.25 for driving on their roads? If anything, they should be pay us for the privilege. Why is that? It brings me to my next point.
Nothingness: There is nothing in Kansas. Nothing. I drive from Chicago to Columbia during the school year, which is by no means is a scenic drive, and it doesn’t even come close to the vacuum that is the state of Kansas. This stretch makes southern Illinois look like a tropical rainforest. For a while there were more condemned/decrepit barns than the set of Twister then –pow- nothing. Not a house, not a barn, not a shed.
When William Quantrill marched on Kansas in 1863, did he survey the land and say, “Are we late or something?”
Also, memo to Kansas: Rest areas are not roads on the side of the highways with a handful of garbage cans. Those are called roads. Rest areas, crazily enough, have rest rooms, some picnic tables and maybe a vending machine or two. Your rest areas a mockery of the Department of Transportation
Keep this up Kansas and we are giving you to Canada, if they’ll take you. I know I wouldn’t.
Death Has a Shadow
November 30, 2007 at 11:05 a.m.
Miles Traveled: 198
Hours in the LeSabre: 2 and 47 minutes
“That’s what she said.” Count: 13
The Tiger Ride just had a brush with death.
After filling up the gas tank in Nowheresville, Kansas (Population: we beat you) a certain driver, who shall not be named, forgot to pull the gas pump out of the car. As the LeSabre pulled away from the pump and, fortunately for all parties involved, the pump simply slipped out of the tank and gently landed on the ground, causing no structural, automotive or bodily harm.
You can guess all you want as to who the culprit was, but the answer is a secret I will take to the grave.
P.S. It was me, I am an idiot.
Are We There Yet?
November 30, 2007 at 10:58 a.m.
Miles Traveled: 194
Hours in the LeSabre: 2 and 40 minutes
“That’s what she said.” count: 9
Before we get to business - Mom, if you’re reading this the answer is yes: we all have our seatbelts on.
It’s time to get to know the people behind The Tiger Ride.
Andy Paschen, 21
Hometown: Chicago, Ill.
Personal heroes: Papa Smurf, Chicago Bears WR Devin Hester
Mini-life goal: Grow ruggedly handsome facial hair
Hidden talent: Clever usage of a British accent
Archenemies: Pickles, math
Danny Mehigan, 21
Hometown: Milwaukee, Wis.
Mini-life goal: Grow up to be a reasonable facsimile of Brett Favre
Personal hero: Brett Favre…shocking.
Times name has been legally changed: 2
Favorite Mizzou player: #85, Greg Bracey, “Reppin’ the ill Mil (Milwaukee)”
Nicknames: Sleepy, Sleeps, Meggs
Ryan ‘Oz’ Oswald, 21
Hometown: St. Louis, Mo.
Mini-life goal: “Leaving Kansas as soon as possible on the drive.”
Personal Heroes: Ozzie Smith, Jeremy Maclin aka ‘Yoshii’
(Why ‘Yoshii’, Oz explains: “Because Yoshii also runs a 4.28 40-yard dash in Super Mario Tennis”)
Times in a car that has flipped: 2 [Note: He wasn’t driving either time]
Besides a Big XII Championship, we better: “Make it back without flipping the car.”
Drew Brooks, 21
Hometown: East Lansing, Mich.
Likes: Everything Michigan St.
Dislikes: Ryan Oswald
Quote: “That’s what she said.”
Car talent: In absence of cup holders, Drew can balance a Gatorade bottle on his knee.
We’ve pulled out a previous edition of a fine, fine publication called Vox Magazine, and begun test-playing their “Top 10 road trip games” in the October 18th issue. After we play these games we are going to rate them, on the Vox scale of one to five Vs.
The car next door: “Invent histories about your fellow hellions of the highway.”
Verdict: 3 Vs
After starting off somewhat slowly, the tales quickly dissolved into what people might consider ‘low brow’ humor. The driver’s around us, if the stories were proven to be true, we’re all either sexual deviants, violent criminals, or some sort of action hero/treasure hunter. To top it off, several of the stories ended with something bad happening to either the state or University of Kansas, which probably bumped up the rating.
Two truths, one lie: “Offer up three facts about yourself, one of which is a complete fabrication.”
Verdict: 4 Vs
The game started with promise, but became increasingly difficult when we realized two facts about ourselves: it’s hard to think up interesting/tricky facts and lies, and it’s even harder to remember them while thinking of others.
Bonus! For you loyal readers out there I offer you two truths and one lie (the answer is at the bottom of the post):
Jeff Wolfert is 22-23 on field goals in conference play.
Jeremy Maclin set the NCAA freshman record for All-Purpose yards.
Pig Brown’s first name is Cornelius.
Road kill tally: “Each person picks an animal and tallies the number they see on the side of the road.”
Verdict: 1 V
Three road kills into the game we had to divide the group into Team Deer and Team Not Deer, otherwise the conversation went something like this.
“What the hell was that one?”
“Uh, a raccoon?”
“It could have been a dog.”
“Out here?”
“Yeah, I have no idea what that was.”
“I claim point for raccoon.”
“I’m too tired for this.”
“That’s what she said.”
Answer: Jeff Wolfert is perfect on field goals in Big XII play. Boo-yah.
Father Time Likes Egg McMuffins
November 30, 2007 at 8:19 a.m.
Miles Traveled: 4
Hours in the LeSabre: 17 minutes
Our first stop: McDonalds in Columbia, Mo. Not a stellar start, but in our defense anytime you are awake for McDonalds breakfast you have to take advantage of it.
Maybe I’ve never noticed before, but I have never seen so many old people at McDonalds, we were the youngest patrons by at least thirty years. The drive thru line wrapped around the building and the place was packed, but it looked like an AARP meeting was being held.
Our theory: old people love waking up ridiculously early and they also abide by the Golden (Arches) Rule as well: If you’re awake for breakfast at Mickey D’s, you gotta eat it.
I’ll be back later.
Man Overboard!
November 30, 2007 at 6:44 a.m.
Miles Traveled: 0
Hours in the LeSabre: 0
Before our quest can even get underway, the chariot has lost a rider. Joe Lose, the 5th member of our humble crew, has decided to hitch a ride with other friends, giving several reasons for his mutinous decision.
Space: “Their car has three people in it. This way both cars would have four in each instead of five and three. No one has to sit in the middle seat.” Touche.
Music: “I hate rap and love country, all of you (The Tiger Ride) love rap and hate country. The other car: loves country.” Point taken.
While we admire Joe’s logic, he will undoubtedly be missed. But drawing from the immortal wisdom of Celine Dion, “My heart will go on.”
Another thing: my alarm went off at 6:20 am. On purpose. Waking up before the sun is out is a horrible injustice, somewhere in between waiting for hours in the doctors office and being given a pop quiz.
Sun or no sun though, it’s go time.
Welcome to The Tiger Ride
November 29, 2007 at 5:09 p.m.
Miles Traveled 0:
Hours in the LeSabre: 0
Ladies and gentlemen, children of all ages we say to you: welcome to The Tiger Ride. What’s that you say? What is this Tiger Ride I speak of? The Tiger Ride is a running weblog, or blog if you’re lazy, of a quest for ultimate glory: victory.
It’s best represented in numbers: 5 men, 4 wheels and a 1,872 mile round trip drive to see the #1 Missouri Tigers try to reach a historic first, a Big XII title to call their own. Then and only then will there be a chance to play for football immortality: the 2007 National Championship. This is the Tiger Ride.
Our itinerary is exhaustive, (unless you aren’t a college-aged male) and we will not rest until we accomplish all three of our goals. We must attend ESPN’s “College Gameday” (more on this later), we must find Mizzou fans wherever they may be and have a drink with them and finally, we must attend the Mizzou-OU Big XII Championship Game.
That last sentence sent tingling down the spine.
Before we go further, there are some things we must take care of; some technicalities, paperwork, red tape and such.
The Cast: Four seniors will accompany me on our quest. Ryan Oswald (aka Oz), Danny Mehigan, Drew Brooks and Joe Lose will be right there with me every step of the way, sitting on either side of me when I am relegated to the middle seat, snuggling up next to me when we undoubtedly share our small hotel beds and cheering along side while we watch history in the making. More formal introductions will be posted on Friday.
Our Chariot: A 1995 Forest Green Buick LeSabre, the ultimate combination of comfort and fuel economy. Passed down from my loving Nana, this automobile will be the Nina, Pita and Santa Maria of our voyage to uncharted waters.
On this journey our blog will touch on as many topics as our conversations and experiences allow: we will certainly run the gamut of sports, movies, music and news as well as try and answer the serious questions. What kind of music is best for a road trip? Should our car have a nickname? Where in the world is Carmen San Diego?
These are only a few of life’s greatest mysteries we will attempt to tackle with as much force as Wily Mo himself.
Your comments and suggestions are more than welcome, we will try to answer any questions you have or incorporate any of your thoughts into the next entry as we drive down the highways of fly-over country.
Welcome to The Tiger Ride.
And remember Tiger Nation, M-I-Z…
